Pleasure Pills

3.28.02. Do you live up to your sterotype?

I can't stop writing. I have a way with words. I'm not going to be a writer, I AM a writer.

"Love is just a word they colored red"

Someday Jill and I are going to stay at the Plaza hotel in NYC and we're going to watch Home Alone!

"My advice is don't spend your money on therapy. Spend it in a record store" -Win Wendors

It's funny how we try to rationalize our need for sex. We feel the need to justify the situations as they occur. Can't we just admit that we have urges and that no it doesn't have to make sex? I mean sense.

"Feelings are intense, words are trivial. Pleasures remain, so does the pain. Words are meaningless, and forgettable" -Depeche Mode

My mom got these pictures back last night and there's one of me and Chris. It made me really sad b/c we looked so good together. Yes. We were. In some crazy ways.

"You're not just losing me. You're losing what was almost meant to be" - The Starting Line

I'm so thankful for Matt's friendship and how we're always able to have these soulful conversations. He lets me express me deeply and I get to see his deep too.

4.9.02. Fears. What if one day Matt isn't there anymore to listen to me? What if my brother has kids and doesn't have time for me? What if my mom dies? What if I can't finish my book? What if I do and someone wants to change it? What if I move? What if I don't move? What if my reality falls apart?

People to read:
1) Rainer Maria Rilke
2) Henry Miller
3) Walt Whitman
4) Ananis Nan

"You are a raging sea, I pull myself out everyday. I plead insanity. Cuz I can't leave but I can't stay" -Sheryl Crow

I'm at the Exton train station. It looks like it could rain at any minute. I somehow expect to see Chris or his ghost walking down the tracks. Here comes a train. Slow and quietly. Thinking back to Chris, there was so much about ourselves we never expressed to one another. Most of what we did was just frustration.

"Before I close the door, I need to hear you say goodbye" -Mazzy Star