Friday, March 28, 2008

Discovery Cove - Part 1


3.25.08. Being 26, mildy successful in my career, secure in my friendships but on the brink of a divorce and still trying to understand my true passion or purpose in life - I am going to venture inward - in hopes of discovering that I already knew everything I needed from the beginning.

Journaling exercises from the book 20 Something, 20 Everything by Christine Hassler. Do them with me, you may surprise yourself.

Your Mother's Influence - (guy's, write about your fathers) Think about some of your mother's ways of being that you might consciously or unconsciously fight or adopt. The following questions are designed to discover how the most influential woman in your life shaped your identity.

1) What was your mother's role in your home? Do you think she liked it? My mom's role was to cook, clean, raise my brother and I, shop, and keep my dad happy. I think she truly did enjoy herself. She didn't have to worry about anything.

2) Did your mother work outside the home and how did this affect your desire to work? My mother worked for a little while when my dad lost his job and on and off after that because she really enjoyed what she was doing (temp work). I didn't like when she worked because it took her away from me. It seemed like my mom could be happy no matter what she did because she just enjoyed life. She was a happy person. I don't think it really affected my desire to work except that I wish I could only work if I wanted to, and not just for the money.

3) What did you admire about your mom? She was very attentive to all my needs - she never left me starved for attention. She was kind and gentle, never raised her voice. She usually let me have my own way, often putting my needs above her own. She went above and beyond, she always had an afterschool snack waiting for me when I came home - she was a Supermom! She never made me do chores or anything like that, she just wanted me to enjoy my childhood as much as possible.

4) What did you not like about your mother? She'd make excuses for my dad when he'd get angry. She wasn't assertive enough to stand up for herself to him and she probably didn't tell him a lot of her true feelings or opinions.

5) In what way is your mom your role model? My mom cultivates positivity. She always puts a smile on her face and makes time for other people. Even in the face of a debilatating illness, she radiates light and hope. She is all about the little things, the pats on the back, sending cards and making a big deal out of things. She has a huge heart and a lot of faith. She is the one person always able to comfort me.

6) Have you followed in the footsteps of your mother? In what ways are you similar to her? I don't think I have followed too much in her footsteps because I will most likley be a 'career woman', although I certainly wouldn't mind - maybe even would like to stay home and raise kids. I wouldn't feel like my education went to waste. I'd work part-time and plus then I could really concentrate on my writing. I am also much more stubborn and strong-willed than she is. I won't let a man control things as my father did. I did follow in her footsteps in that I'm kind, compassionate and giving and I try to have a positive attitude.

7) In what ways did you consciously decide to take another path? I decided to be more outspoken because I saw how repressed she'd been by my dad and I knew I needed to have a voice.

8) What was your mother's relationship like with your father? My mom was always very accomadating, loyal, and respectful. She relied on him for everything. She let him control her with money (maybe she didn't see it this way and would just say that's how the times were but this is what I perceived as) and she seemed very passive and feminine.

9) How was your mother's relationship with her mother? My mother and grandmother were very close. They would talk on the phone for an hour or more each week. She would ask her mom for advice on things.

10)How do you think your mother's relationships with others affected the way you behave in relationships with others? I think my mom provided me with a good foundation for relationships with others. She taught me to be giving - she was always friendly, liked to talk to other people, liked the interaction. She seems to genuinely take interest in other people's lives. She would kind of latch on to people's stories. She enjoyed many close friendships with women.

Junebugs


3.28.08. Riding in the car last night I turned to my friend Lito and asked 'Why don't they teach you in school the things you really need to know about life?' He couldn't give me a good answer. It seems like such a waste, all this book-smartness we're supposed to acquire but really, what for?

"North-bound train on a Saturday
Here I come, New York City
Been deep in thought, on a little sleep
Distance took my love away" -The Starting Line


I was also discussing the twenties puzzle with my friend Jill. She described it as when you are in school, you do everything that your peers do, that's your life. And then after you graduate college, everyone goes on a totally different path. You have to go out and do things, you have to essentially - make your life. Nothing comes to you easily. A career doesn't just happen. Relationships don't just happen. You have to be a Go-Getter as my dad would fondly say. Everything is up to you and often you feel you have no direction or guidance for the big life decisions you are now faced with. Nothing adequetely prepares us for what truly lies ahead in the 'real world'.

"There's nothing on my horizon except everything" -Dwight, The Office

I went home last week and sitting there in my parent's kitchen that first night, as they grilled me, sized me up (Robin, you need to gain some weight!) and shoved food in my face, I thought it was soo nice to be...taken care of again. I welcome that whenever I have the chance to go home, I become that little girl who doesn't have to worry about a thing because the grown ups will make sure everything is okay.

"I want something more than all my possessions,
Something I wanna share with everybody else.
It will be brilliant both to elderly and children,
And be different in a way that can be embraced." -The Starting Line


I'm reading a really great book about the quarter-life times and gaining balance and direction. There are some exercises that I will be posting on here because I think they are wonderful discovery tools and I think we can all benefit from doing them. We all need to slow down, evaluate what's working in our lives and what isn't. The biggest roadblock for us is that we are making HUGE decisions (marriage, moving to new places, having children, going to grad school, jumping from one relationship to another) without really knowing ourselves and what we truly want. When something doesn't work out, we wonder what happened. Was it because we leapt too quickly? You have the rest of your lives to experience these events. Take time to get deliciously comfortable with yourself, and then you will truly know how to live.

"We got older but we're still young. We never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up." -The Starting Line

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Twinkling Stars



3.22.08. I write because I have so much going on inside my brain, at any given moment, I have to constantly get it out to keep from going crazy. Call it a blessing or a curse but it does help me sort through some of the gunk many can only begin to find words to express.

"Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends" -Czech Proverb

I think it's funny how you grow up thinking you'll find the answers but what you find is that adults are far more confused than any kid on the block.

"To achieve wholeness, first we have to experience the void"

I wish I had more humor in my life. I love to laugh but I'm not really into comedy that much. I recently started enjoying some funny shows like Flight of the Conchords and Sex in the City. I always have a blast when I go to the comedy club at Downtown Disney but it's just not usually my idea. I think it's a real treasure to have someone who can make you laugh. I want someone I can argue with but not be able to keep a straight face and end up making up rolling on the floor and howling with laughter.

"Flirting is just peek-a-boo for adults"

I took a quiz online that was supposed to determine how much life you've lived. I got 80%. I'm thinking, wow I'm 26 years old and I've already experienced 80% of what most people take a whole lifetime to do. That's pretty incredible. It made me feel a sense of accomplishment. However, I take joy in knowing there is always going to be more to discover and experience. See how you rank http://www.blogthings.com/howmuchlifeexperiencedoyouhavequiz/?allquizzes=yes

"Action is eloquence" -William Shakesphere

The twenties era is a very different animal than the teenage times. You long for the independence and adulthood because you think you'll have it all figured out, somehow you will find a way to 'do it all' but in reality, you realize you just have more freedom to explore the same three questions you thought you'd have the answers to by now - who am I? what do I want? And how do I get it? Only now, the clock seems to be ticking...

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" -Ghandi

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Sugar Cookie Ice Cream


3.21.08. Big sighs of uncertanity. Yesterday I went to a marketing seminar in Tampa and I met other young people who are also in my position in the architecture, engineering and construction industry. We talked about our struggles and frustrations, about what our job function means, about the industry and about what works and what doesn't. I draw strength from other people's struggles - their journey and their questions. I thrive on personal growth and development. They didn't all LOVE their jobs and they seemed just as uncertain as me. This brought relief.

"A woman in the moon, is singing to the earth" -Cibo Matto

We took these quizzes to determine if we are more right brained or left brained and I'm like duh I don't need to take this, I already know I'm completely right brained. But I was really surprised. My answers were equal. I had 9 right brained answers and 9 left brained on how I process information. This is kind of cool because it means I could probably develop my left brain function more if I wanted to. Word. To take quiz: http://www.intelliscript.net/test_area/questionnaire/questionnaire.cgi?q=right_brain_left_brain_2

"The best time to relax is when you don't have time for it" -Sydney Harris

I had a one on one with my boss too and it went really well. He told me what I need to work on, and it wasn't horrible. He mentioned attention to detail which I know, and that's basically because my head is up in the clouds so often so I sometimes miss things. It also has to do with time constraints and knowing I need to allow production time so it's always a challenge. He told me I'm doing a good job and that I need to let him know when I get overwhelmed and stressed out. I'm not good at this because I told him I don't want him to think I can't handle it all. He said not to worry, that he won't think that. He said he is thinking about getting me a full-time assistant because he knows there is a lot on my plate. He asked about my longterm goals and I told him I want to develop leadership skills and he said he would help me as much as he can. He said he sees my role evolving into more business development eventually and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm more of the writer, the creative resource behind the scenes. I don't know if I could sell or how good I would be at public relations but I guess it'd be good experience to get under my belt if afterall, ultimately I want to run my own business...I'd have to be good at getting out there and telling people about the company. So yeah, anything I can practice at now to help me in the bigger picture will be good.

"You can be young without money but you can't be old without it" - Tennessee Williams