Hey Jealousy

jeal·ous·y [jel-uh-see] –noun, plural. 1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

Have you ever been accused of being jealous or have you felt jealous about something? Of course you have, it's part of human nature. But I don't think jealousy is a negative feeling although many people tend to view it as one.

There are two kinds of jealousy I've experienced similar to the dictionary definitions above. Jealousy in the sense that inspires and jealousy in the sense that causes pain. But both are indicators of what it is you truly want. When I have a friend who has something I want, I may feel envious but it's not because I don't wish for them to have that thing, jealousy here serves as a tool to show me what it is I want or feel I am missing, therefore inspiring me to try and get it.

The other kind of jealousy occurs when (usually in a romantic relationship) you feel your needs are not being met due to an external factor (another person, thing or anything you feel is a perceived threat) In this case, it is wise to examine what is going on that is causing you to feel this way. On some levels, it may be because you are insecure as a person but it also may be because there is something in fact jepordizing your status to the thing you want or have. If jealousy is due to personal insecurities, it will benefit us to learn that we really are the only ones able to fulfill our emotional needs and realize that love is abundantly available to us at any given time. We feel jealous because we hold the belief that if something is threatening what we have, then there won't be enough left for us. This is not true!

But here again, jealousy serves to help you explore what is going on with yourself thus allowing you to deal appropriately with the situation. All in all, jealousy simply means that you care and there's nothing negative about that. I've heard guys say they don't want a girlfriend who ever acts jealous. But most people don't get jealous for no reason, think about this... maybe those people saying this actually have commitment problems and are really saying 'I don't want a girl whose going to hold me accountable for my actions'. I think most girls like to know that their guy feels jealous every now and again because it lets them know how much that person cares. The only thing not to do is try and intentionally make someone feel jealous as a test of their feelings because that is manipulation.

So next time you sense a wave of jealousy coming on, stop and ask yourself whether or not you really have a reason to be jealous. If so, take the necessary action to fix the problem - do you need to mentally check-in and start communicating with someone better? Maybe you never established expectations with this person to begin with, leaving you feeling rightfully hurt but if you didn't lay everything on the table from the start, it's not fair for you to be angry with this person. If the jealousy is truly warrented and the other person refuses to put themself in your shoes and change how they are acting, maybe it's time to end the relationship.

In a healthy relationship, jealousy should not be a normal feeling you have. If it is, ask yourself why you are choosing to stay with someone whose actions cause you to feel insecure.

"The thing to do with feelings is to make it safe to feel all of them"