Reprise

3.9.02. I could live in song lyrics. I could be the music. I wouldn't let you sing along.

"My hands are small I know but they're not yours, they are my own" -Jewel

I think the one thing I'll miss most about my life is the people. The relationships. That is what really makes life worth living. The people you love. The people who make you laugh. The smiles. The people who touch your life in one way or another even if it's only for a short while. And the memories that stay with you forever. Even though I get so upset and frustrated with people so much of the time...I've been realizing how lucky I am.

"Celebrate Every Gorgeous Moment!" - SARK

When I'm around Randy and Lana so much hope is brought to life. The way they love each other, the display of affection and success in finding each other and their lives together makes me so happy. And even my parents. The daily struggle they face and yet I can still see a sense of humor and a lightness in their relationship. Love is true, love is real and love is everlasting. I have proof. And if I never find it myself, I've had a dandy time living vicariously through the people that are so dear to me. Seeing my grandfather this past week...just gave me energy. I care so deeply about my family.

Oh how I love this earth, this life, this body...I fear being separated from this world, and those I love. I put on make up to make my appearance more attractive...I do things to my hair. I wear the right clothes. But what if I got a disease that made my body lose its functions and everything was beyond my control, then...it would seem to shallow that I ever did any of these things. It would be like 'I can't believe I spent time trying to cover up that zit instead of really living life'.

"And she's buying a stairway to heaven" -Led Zepplin

I really don't want to die. I'm just going to take things one day at a time. I'm making a list of things I want to do in case I find out that my time is up. Okay, I need to stop being morbid. I love everyone. Goodnight.

"I have no regrets, there's nothing to forget
All the pain was worth it
Not running from my past
I try to do what's best
Know that I deserve it"
-Madonna