Reading Glasses

5.6.08 Sometimes I think we should learn to read a situation with our smart, and not our heart. I'm a strong believer in following your intuition or going with your gut reaction or vibe about something but I've also realized there's been a lot of times when what you think or feel is not actual reality. I know I've made quick judgement calls about people before that have turned out to be completely wrong.

When I first started playing volleyball there was this guy who I thought was just a maniac. He would get soo mad if he (or the team) messed up that he would make these horrible grunting noises of distress. I felt very intimidated around him and uncomfortable because he took things so seriously while I was just there to have fun. I didn't even want to play around him for fear of messing up or setting him off. Well that was Jeff on the volleyball court. Jeff in real life is a completely different person. In fact, he's one of the nicest, funniest, most easy-going people I know. Apparently, he's just really into sports...but because I was only seeing him from that one angle, I wrote him off as a jock with an attitude who was too competitive for his own good. I almost missed out on getting to know a good person because my perception was skewed.

Another example of this is in relationships. Did you ever play the fool for someone and give them the benefit of the doubt time and time again because of who you were convinced they were deep down, maybe who they almost were, or who they could be; when the reality of the situation was that they had shown you who they really were (or were not) by treating you a certain way but you kept letting them, expecting a change because of what your heart told you? If you had mentally stepped away from the situation and detached from your feelings, you might have gotten the information you needed and saved yourself a lot of unnecessary pain.

These are just two of many scenarios in my life when I know I have been wrong about something or someone. Often, we allow our emotions to guide us and think something is going to work out or that we are right simply because we are trusting the voice inside us. It is wonderful to be in touch with your feelings and I think we should always first and foremost listen to our hearts but we also need to practice the art of incorporating a good healthy dose of rational into how we view every situation. By paying attention to what your gut says, but also trying to see and hear a person or situation with your rational mind, you will be able to make more balanced judgement calls accordingly.

"Judge a tree by it's fruits. And ditto for people" -Unknown

Quotables

5.6.08. When I was in high school I used to scrapbook a lot and every year I'd make a quote page. It'd be filled with memorable silly things my friends and I had said, inside jokes we'd shared, things that were funny because they were so dead on or things that were just candidly quoteworthy. I have had a lot of funny moments over the recent years and times when I wanted to stop and write something down that someone had said. But I never did so now those funny things are forgotten. So I'm going to try to recreate this tradition because we all have our moments and I like funny :-)

"Don't you hate when you pick the wrong end of the table to sit at?" - Jeff (Coatesville) (On our post-softball season get-together)

"Here's my two cents" - Alan Skaggs (Reaching into his pocket and handing me two pennies)

"What's she going on tour or something?!" - Jen's friend (On viewing my myspace calendar)

"Let me tell you about this chick Robin, she just goes. She's a go-getter. She doesn't wait for anything. Except a guy. Then she'll wait.. forever". - Jen Mac (On explaining me to her friend)

"That's what She said" - Lito Morona (On everything)

"Hey-I really need to talk to you. I'm sooo worried. Joy is missing." "Missing, missing? Are you sure?" "Yes, she is nowhere to be found. Last I saw her was at 3:30am." "I'm sure she's fine." "No, she's...Wait, hold on. She just showed up at my door, I gotta go". - Kara Kennedy (On losing our friend Joy)

"You're probably the most stubborn person I know" "Why?" "Because you'll only do something if you want to do it. You've always been that way". "What's wrong with knowing what I want?? I really don't see a problem here.." - Joy Sorrentino (On telling me like I is)

"How come everything in our lives went to shit after Labor Day??? Seriously, what the heck happened?" "I don't know...it is really weird." "Hmm...maybe when Dawn did the Acutonics on us she unleashed something!" "Yeah, or maybe she forgot to close up the chakras". "Do you think??" - Robin & Shelly (On random unexplainable parallel events)

"When you meet someone for the first time, you aren't really meeting them. You're meeting their representative" - Aaron McHan (On dating)

(On playing the name game for the person to your right at dinner) "Okay everyone switch and read them. "R-O- 'Obtuse?! What the hell does that mean? Jolyon, the point was to write something Nice about the person!" "I did, I couldn't think of anything for 'O', the others are all nice". "R for 'Ridiculous'??? You think I'm ridiculous?! Wow". "Oh dear...maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Look, here comes the food". - Shelly, Jolyon and Robin at Macaroni Grill

Jim & Pam

5.4.08 My favorite TV couple:



"Never, ever, ever give up". -Michael

Sexcapdes

5.4.08. I've been blogging a lot because I've been sick all weekend so not doing a whole lot. Here's my question of the day, can a man and a woman really be friends?

"A man and a woman can never be friends because the sex part always gets in the way" -When Harry Met Sally

(My therapist suggested that we look for 3 things in a person that are necessary for a relationship to work - Chemistry, Personality and Character. You might be able to sustain a relationship if you have strength with someone in two of those areas but if one is missing, you will probably have troubles down the road unless you can resolve to work it out.)

My feeling is that you can have a true friendship with a person of the opposite sex, as long as you don't have physical chemistry with that person. I can honestly say there have been men in my life who I have enjoyed hanging out with because I either connected with their personality or admired their character, without desiring anything physical. That's not to say they may have felt the same way though. If they had felt chemistry for me, the friendship probably ended when we discovered we were not seeking the same outcome from the relationship.

I think if you are trying to maintain a friendship with someone whom you share a physical chemistry with but for whatever reason are not romantically involved with, you need to establish and honor clear boundaries especially if one of them is in a relationship.

I once read a great book called Emotional Infidelity which I'd recommend everyone to read. It gives a very conservative view on relationships but I think in this day and age when there is so much out there at our fingertips (the Internet, text messages, etc.) that can so easily have a negative effect on one's relationship, we can all benefit in reexamining our beliefs about what constitues unfaithfulness. I'm not saying I agree with all these things but as you read them, notice your reaction. If you are feeling defensive or outright rejecting the idea, ask youreself why.

Here is a good passage from the book:

"Countless people have told me that getting involved with members of the opposite sex isn't a problem for them because it would never lead to adultery. They've even believed that a little flirtatiousness now and then is healthy, reminding us that we're still attractive to the world at large. Sex is far from the only problem. You will simply be chipping away at your relationship every time you get that ping of excitement from an emotionally stimulating moment with someone of the opposite sex. It's dangerous to your relationship, and not because it might lead to sex. Rather, it drains your relationship of the immense energy it needs to grow: the energy to flirt with each other, to be emotionally stimulated by a different point of view, to share the excitement with someone who wants to know who you are. When you place your emotional energies elsewhere, without even realizing it, you don't offer your significiant other the opportunity to provide you with that same ping of excitement you are looking for elsewhere".

10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship

Secret #1 Commitment is the glue of any relationship. Insulate and protect your relationship against emotional infidelity by avoiding friendships with the opposite sex.

Secret #2. Codependence is a necessary ingredient for a great relationship. The two of you must need each other.

Secret #3. Couples need clear, realistic goals and a specific plan of how to achieve those goals.

Secret #4. Your relationship has to come first - before jobs, kids, anything else. Your unconscious assumptions are holding you back from putting in the effort.

Secret #5. Your childhood has a great deal to do with your ability to enjoy a great relationship. The more you understand this connection, the better relationship you will have.

Secret #6. Great sex comes not from great sexual skill but from sharing your deepest, shyest self while trusting your partner.

Secret #7. Acceptance is about appreciating, not settling.

Secret #8. Your marriage comes before your child. but your child is one of your best tools for creating a great marriage.

Secret #9. Like any strong working partnership, relationships need well-defined roles for each spouse.

Secret #10. Time is on your side. A great marriage has many different stages and takes years to develop properly.

Poems

Wishful Thinking

If I could draw, I would draw myself on a deserted island
Lying in a hammock with my love and coconut palms
Singing us lullaby's

If I could dream an endless dream
I'd dream myself to Tahitti
I'd ride a dolphin through the waves and warm myself in the sun

If I could wish just one wish that was guarenteed to come true
I'd wish my mother back to health and then she'd never be blue

If I could freeze a place in time
I'd return to my childhood days
Remember what it was like to pretend, imagine and believe
And play

If I could go back to a time when I was innocent
I would not have kissed so many boys
But only the ones who were worthy

But who am I to live in regret
For the things that cannot be

Like a little bird afraid to fly
Or a cat running up a tree

I must move forward, I must stand tall
Reaching out for the moment and loving it all

written 2.26.05


Work

A job, a building, a place I go
To make money, make ends meet, this much I know

But how it makes me tired and ill
My hopes and dreams it will never fulfill

I feel each wasted hour passing me by
Office politics and bullshit, I breath out a heavy sigh

To think it costs money just to simply exist
Doesn't make much sense to me, I want to raise a fist

written 10.11.05


What I Learned in College

I learned that naps aren't only for pre-schoolers

I learned how to make a pot of coffee

I learned what it means to leave home

I learned how it feels to be broke

I learned how to bullshit my way through classes that didn't interest me

I learned that 'roommate' does not automatically mean 'best friend'

I learned what it is to have my heart broken

And I learned what it means to find true love

I learned that good friendships last across the miles

And that it gets harder to make good friends as you get older

I learned that I can study for hours on end and still do badly on a test

I learned that I can plow through and perserve long after I think possible

I learned that parking tickets are easier to come by than the flu

I learned that half your grades are your attitude

I learned that it's easy to lose yourself without a positive self estemn and a strong sense of self

I learned that I am still a bit naive and really need to think things through before making impulsive decisions about certain things

I learned that you don't have to drink and party to have fun in college

It's taken me 5 years, or maybe I should say 23, but I've finally realized who I am and that is truly powerful

written 3.11.05