Shake n' Bake

3.12.08. How do we solve our 26-year-old problems? The same way we did when we were 10. Swinging with Shelly by the dim glow of the tennis court lights, we talked and talked about the things that remain restless in our hearts. And as we pumped higher and higher, the world becomes light and our problems become tiny pebbles on the ground below us.

"You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you" -Mary Tyler Moore

I've been reading my friend Alan's blogs and I'm a bit jealous to the degree that he is able to articulate his feelings. He's not afraid to show who he is and that's always the goal; to authentically align and communicate who you are deep down with your outward persona. Sometimes I feel that I'm really making progress and other times I'm crumbley.

"Where you are in conciousness has everything to do with what you see in experience" -Eric Butterworth

I read back some of these journal entries and I think 'oh my god, am I sharing too much?' If I put it all out there - who I really am, will I be too much work for people? I guess that's not really for me to decide. My job is just to express who I am no matter what.

"Remember always that you not only have the right to be an indiviual, you have an obligation to be one" -Eleanor Roosevelt

Alan also writes about trust and that's one thing I have a lot of experience with. I think people lie a lot of the time, whether it be big or small, we all harbor secrets and we do it to save face and to keep things good for ourselves. Knowing this fact, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and trust them right off the bat until they give me a reason not to. And then it depends on the degree of distrust, usually I'll just start to really tread with caution but sometimes it's sadly been that I've had to end relationships entirely. I think that trust will always be a challenge and I would like to think that someday I will be able to be that intimate with someone that I can truly feel secure.

"Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one's courage" -Anais Nan

Things that make me happy
1) Cats - watching animals
2) Shopping - buying new things for myself
3) Traveling - new places, especially the beach
4) Being loved, cared about by my friends, Shelly
5) Finding (trying) to find meaning in life, making progress
6) Having comfort, stability in a relationship, sleeping cuddley
7) Reading - getting lost in a good book, and writing down my feelings
8) Postive feedback
9) Going to church, singing praises to the Spirit and surrendering to love
10) Feeling strong on my own

"Character is molded by self reliance"