Peeved

Going to post some older entries here - 10.30.01. The other night Chris was saying how he wants to rule the world. I was thinking about it, and I don't have the desire for power like that. I mean who cares. What's right for me isn't right for everyone. If someone offered me a ton of power, I'd be like No Thanks. I just don't see what joy there is in power. Maybe that's not entirely true. I certainly wouldn't mind having the power of persusasion. Sometimes I feel so lucky to have been born here in America when I learn about so many cultures filled with poverty and suffering. Those people know no better, they are so innocent. Anyway...I feel inspired to write about the twin towers.

"Remember the Universe is watching. Do the right thing. Be kind."

When I saw the lobby we had walked through on T.V., it looked like the scenes from Titanic that were shot underwater. Those eerie ghostlike images of destruction. That's how it looked. And I was there. Not long ago when it was alive as I am. It's weird. It's like I'm mourning the loss of a building. I didn't know any of those people. But I mourn for my memory of the towers. The events of this summer were so strange. My random trip there, the skirt I wore...

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference"

11.4.01. Chris told me that he doesn't think I'm very social. He was like "I used to think you were the social one, now I think I'm more social than you". Whatever. I'm just in a funk. Ever since high school ended...and my best friends moved away. I feel like when I do talk to people, sometimes I come off as superficial. I don't want to take the time to get to know people. When I hung out with Jill I could talk to random people and just totally be myself and not give a shit what they thought but I don't really do that by myself. I feel sad, Jill's always busy at school and she doesn't write me or anything. She's having a great time and here I am - halfway through my second year of college thinking 'yeah it's not so great' I haven't met anyone I find super terrific and it sucks. I talked to Janine and she feels the same way.

Erin is cool but I'm sure she's frustrated with me. She's asked me twice to go to a show with her and I totally could have but I just feel lazy and think I'll feel uncomfortable and then be stuck there. Why can't I just go and be openminded? I expect other people to be spontaneous but I often can't bring myself to be.

"Fill your life with tiny and large adventurous moments"

I was telling Jill about my funk and she was like 'you need to let go of the past'. She said last year she was all about high school but then she realized it wasn't 'high school' that she loved, it was the people she experienced it with. Well what does that mean? Move on and forget about your old friends? My brother said he went through the same thing. He's like 'enjoy it while it lasts though, college is a lot more fun than real life'. Great.

"What do I have do to get through all of this? I'm writing it down..." -NFG