Dream Interruptration

10.23.01. A bunch of us went to Denny's after the All Else Failed show the other night. During the car ride Erin was telling me about all her relationships. I love talking to her because she is really good at expressing herself and I like that quality. When she tells stories, I never have to question what was going through her mind because she says exactly what she was feeling and thinking.

"Remember, the real luxury is in your interior"

I had a dream last night - me and Jill were in church and we just kept laughing like we used to when we'd be up there in choir or for confirmation class. Anyway...in my dream, Sister Janice was getting pissed at us and tried to separate us. I miss Jill. I think I was upset because we were being separated just like in real life. They were taking away the one person I could just laugh with and have soo much fun and putting me in a place all by myself. It sucks. I have sad dreams all the time about Jill and Ali. I guess it's really bothering me subconsciously that I can't have a best friend at hand all the time.

"I'm never too far away. I'm never too close behind" -New Found Glory


I feel like I suck at public speaking. I feel like it's all coming out wrong and no one cares what I have to say. I wonder where this lack of confidence comes from. I don't know how to make it go away. I have two more speeches to get through. I feel like I suck at emotion in school. Like I bring no life into my speeches.

I had to say something to Harris in Interpersonal Comm yesterday and I said it with such lack of emotion that he even commented about it. I felt really dumb, like I come across as removed and distancy in school for some reason. I don't know how to let my expression come through in front of my peers. What is my problem?

"Lying awake, it still feels like it's 89'" -LTJ

I'm thinking about Lana and how she's soo warm and friendly. I wish I could be like that. She has a way with people. I just like to observe life I think. I mean there's so much to be involved in but I don't feel like it. Maybe I'm just lazy or I think that interacting with people is conflict in itself.

"Let me give you some insight into my insides. I haven't been this confused, in such a long time" -LTJ