Foreshadowing

7.3.01. Lana, Randy and I went to NYC today. We went to the top of the World Trade Center. It was awesome!! The elevator was soo fast, 25 mph and it took us all the way to the 107th floor! Omigod it rocked. We went to this bar up there called Windows of the World and got drinks.

"When I think of how things are right now it feels like, yeah it feels like some kind of circus show" -LTJ

I also went to Newark with Lana yesterday, to the Brazilian part of town. It was very cool. Randy said when Lana used to dance, she'd bring home a mile high pile of one dollar bills and dump them all over the floor.

"The man who is aware of himself is henceforward independent and he is never bored" -Virginia Woolf

7.25.01. I went to the therapist yesterday. Next Friday is the Warped tour. I don't know who I will go with. All I do now is listen to hardcore and shit. I want to get tattooed. Jen and I went to Tower and looked at magazines last night.

"Why are you so far away from me?" -Weezer

7.28.01. We went to the Goshen fair tonight. Me, Ryan, Kara, Mike, Pam, Jen, Jill, Brian, Kelly and Joel. Chris was there also. He made this horrible scene in front of everyone. I was so embarrsed. He grabbed me and said he hopes I go to hell and get Aids and he told me he cheated on me with 15 people. And then he called me a slut!!! Then Matt came up to me and tried to tell me how sorry he was. My friends stuck up for me. I will never talk to him again. Really. Drawing a line. ______________________________ there it is.

"Love was never there, I just didn't see it" -Boy Sets Fire

Pain. It never ends.

I'm gonna be 20 this year. I'm glad I made it this far. I'm so afraid I'm going to die. Afraid to not have lived a full life. Afraid of never having really been loved. Afraid of nothing to come. Afraid of missing out. Afraid of never finding purpose or happiness.

It's been a cruel, cruel summer..