4.30.08 I'm feeling unglued, weighed down and convoluted. I found out that I let someone down bigtime, hurt them in a disasterous way that has majorally affected their perception of me. This is heartbreakingly devestating. The strange part is that this happened a long, long time ago but it's become apparent that the negative affect has hung over this relationship cursing it right from the start.
"Here's the things I meant but I never said" -The Starting Line
I know I messed up with friends before but it hasn't ruined our friendship, because that's what friends do, they hurt each other on accident and then they meet in the field of forgiveness and make amends. But maybe that's just the problem - that I wanted more - too much and some wounds just cut too deep I guess. It's really hard to accept when you've caused someone you care about pain and suffering.
"It'll never snow in Florida..." -NFG
I guess sometimes history has to repeat itself in order for you to truly learn and manifest a lesson from something like this. It's defeating to feel that despite my best efforts and intentions, what I have to offer will never be enough. I wonder, can we learn to cultivate acceptance for wrongs we know we can never make right?
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